kittyjcat

As bright as I am, I've completely lost everything I logged onto write.... it's just gone. Bums.
Hope it comes back, I had loads of good stuff.

Current Mood: anxious

I have way too much work to do, but why is it when I come to get on with it do I find myself doing something else?
I cannot fathom it. Any ideas?

Nothing can hold my interest for too long it seems. Not long enough to do any work anyway. Argh! Shoot me now. Lol. Oh well, I guess tomorrow is a new day, except the sceptic in me is telling me that somehow when I get home from class I'll be too tired to do anything. What crap! My brain is utterly useless at the minute, not good for anything.

Plus, it doesn't exactly help that I pretty much hate all my modules this semester. They, like the university, truely have gone to the dogs. The institution has got too big for its britches and it's blindingly obvious to everyone that this degree, is sadly, a waste of time.
Unfulfilled potential is surely the worst kind of potential wouldn't you agree?

Sometimes I think I'm far too political for my own good, although writing is a good outlet I find. And yet I hate politicians, waste of damn good air I say. No trousers, all talk. I think that's the second time I stated that today, I should start a society.

Isn't "V for Vendetta" a marvalous piece of craft? Wonderful.
Veracious, vindicative, verbose, Vonderbar!

I have a cough coming, my fave. It's one of those tickly ones that sticks in your throat and murders your pipes everytime you nearly bring up a lung, then wince as the sorry organ retreats back down nto your chest. Delightful with a capital 'D'.

I can't sleep. This happens to me from time to time. Periods of stress and anxiety. It happened in first year too. Second year went unnoticed, or, perhaps- I cannot remember the outlet for which I expressed this anxiety. Who knows, isn't life funny?

"England prevails!"

Stephen Fry is incredible isn't he? A truely tortured soul. Did anyone see Shrink Rap (Wednesday 18th) yesterday? Bloody brilliant. Might look it up for a re-run. Truely brilliant interview. In depth, insightful, honest. Fly on the wall all the way, always the best.

Ah, sleep calls, or maybe it's just my glasses giving me grief.

K

Current Mood: awake

So, third year of a Drama and Performing Arts degree. Final semester. Lots of work to do... where am I? Online.

The pressure should be on, right? Wrong. In lue of trying to devise, myself and my friends were advised to go play the popular board game; "Cluedo" for inspiration. Christ, I've never felt that this degree is more pointless than I do right now. Couldn't believe it. I just should there, doing my fish impression.

I'm sick to death of infomercials on the box. Especially those debt consolidation ones. ARGH! What kind of a message are we sending the youth of Britian? "It's okay kids, get yourself in the red up to your eyeballs and some poor tax payer will get you out of it."

I pay taxes, work hard, have a mortgage and hate chavs, so call me forward thinking, but shouldn't we look at the source of the debt? Should we be preventing the stupid eighteen year olds from being able to get their sovereign covered grubby little fingers on them in the first place?!
The banks need to make credit cards harder to get hold- not easier! Surely this would result in those of us who pay on time would gain even better credit instead of making our hard work a mockery?!

I'm sick of this stupid government. All promises. No trousers. Babies ahving babies,it's disgusting. It needs to stop, today.

I rest my case. This soap box is getting a little wobbly.

Kit
x

Current Mood: chipper

Wow, it's been a while! I was just flicking through my brief journal entires from two years ago and I cannot believe how unhappy I was! Really cannot get over it.
It's amazing how you can go through a time in your life and not realise how you truely feel or even think for that matter.

I don't even know where to start, so much has happened since I last posted. Daniel-my hero! Can't wait until we move in together! (I've got sofas on the brain, please help, I need medication!) This Easter holiday has been ridiculously hectic and I'm drained but triumphant! We did it honey, we're (fingers crossed) going to have our own home! (Please, God, don't stop it now.)

I've been thinking about my future. I like beauty, fashion and jewwls. I'm thinking I'm going to look into Home Consultancy (if that's the correct title?). Sounds all very glamourous, hard too. We'll see what happens...I'll keep you posted. Lol.

Good to be back.

Kit

x

Current Mood: accomplished

Well, this afternoon saw me having yet another interesting conversation with my ex. Seems like this Wednesday afternoon chat on messenger might become well, weekly.
Not that I'd mind if it did, I enjoy chatting to him, especially when I know that he iniated it (tee hee, triumphant giggle), it's just strange to think that the hostility might be finally be fading and now I can just, well get on with my life. I can't begin to describe the relief that brings, it's certainly intense- for lack of another word.

We didn't chat about anything in particular but it was just good to talk. I scalded myself when I found myself thinking that he'd ask me to meet up or something. I don't think that's going to happen somehow but it was a semi pleasant thought just the same.

And don't think I've forgotten (as this elephant doesn't!) that this is the guy that left me high and dry on the day I moved into University, yeah nice guy huh? I don't know that he isn't, maybe it was just a misfortunate handling of an already downward spralling situation. Who knows? Anyway, that was the past, he's apologised and I've moved on. Several times!!!

It's strange to think that around this time a year ago I was just about to meet one of the most influential people my romantic life has ever known. Just goes to show that you don't know what's around the corner, but then again, who does?

Toodles,

Kit
x

Before anyone misconstrues this, I'm in a slum. just so you know...

There really isn't any point in breathing, I think I'll stop, but wait-that would mean life termination, yeah, I think I'll stop.

"...missed me while you were looking for yourself out there."
I love that lyric, it's gorgeous.

I think I'm slipping into the trap that this contraption (that I find myself updating every so often) has become my only means of communication with the outside world. It's rather frightening how much I rely on this freakin' thing.

Anyway, that's my rant out of the way. Where to begin. I've been listening to a lot of Train and Shaun Colvin (my apologies for any spelling mistakes) and I'm not sure whether it's doing me any good or not.
As of late I've been feeling contemplative and nostalgic. Feelings tend to wash over your in waves, shallow at first then frothy beasts that knock you off your feet when you least expect it. Where has my life gone? Where is it going? Why do I feel like I've missed something? It's strange but I can see myself being alone for most of my life- am I too selfish for anything long term? Something inside says 'yas.'
I hope I can prove myself wrong however, am I strong enough to go it alone?

x

Current Mood: anxious

Well, when it rains it really pours doesn't it? I can't seem to get the balance right.
So far, there are two catagories of fuck wits in my past...how to learn from them me wonders??

Confusing dim-witted but highly manipulative boys and..
..even more confusing sweet tempered highly adorable but unobtainable one night stands.

Argh, when I do it I really do 'it' dont I? (No more puns please, they don't help.)
I'm not that upset anymore, in fact, I'm really glad it happpened and not just for the obvious reason (!).
I feel cleansed from the events of a year ago, and the 'fast food incident' is not going to govern my life anymore or rule my heart for that matter.

*sigh* So, what to do?
Answer: Absolutely nothing.

Bliss.
10-4.

Kit x

"Wow." She breathes quietly to herself.

I'm at a point this week where I feel like I'm Supposed to be in two places at once instead of just being lalowed to to my own thing. This stragen feeling of nostalgia has been with me since "The Revelation" and it's been secretly nice to reflect on the past year and probably one of The Most influential times of my life so far. Don't get me wrong, the low points were abismal (and the high points were astronomical) but a part of me can't help wondering if will ever happen again.

I mean, how do we know whether we will be lucky enough to find the thing that makes us happiest? I try to think about this, musing over the pro's and cons of being this age, gender, height, weight etc and all the "What-ifs" come pouring out.
It's theraputic but also rather terrifying too.

Any thoughts anyone?
Kit x

Current Mood: contemplative

It's amazing the clarity that comes when you realise you're finally 'over' an ex. It hits you all of a sudden, and then, like a cool summer breeze, this wave of forgiveness just rolls over you and suddenly you're free. It's truly wonderful,these words don't do it justice.

Kit
x